Wild Garlic

wildGarlicA couple of weeks ago the boy Stig and I went foraging for food. Down the lane and onto a woodland path and we found the delicacy we were searching for, in fact we inhaled it’s sweet and pungent aroma before we set eyes on it. Since we’ve lived in this lovely spot I’ve been aware that Wild Garlic grows here, I’ve enjoyed the scent on many a walk but I’ve never before collected it and then cooked with it. Spurred on by an article in my favourite magazine The Simple Things, not seen or read it?find it, it’s wonderful,all about this abundant wild ingredient we decide this year would be different.

027Basket, secateurs and the joy of an adventure in hand off we set. Stig is always very enthusiastic about these type of adventures, ones where it’s just him and I and he’s doing something new and exciting. He was right in there cutting all the leaves, climbing the banks to get away from those that may have been relieved on by dogs or affected by birds! We soon had a plentiful basket and off home we toddled.021

I invested in my first ever Kiln jar for this recipe, wild garlic pesto, hoping that a big jar of wonderfulness would sit in our fridge for a while. The recipe again was inspired by the magazine, but as I often do, I made small adjustments.

 Wild Garlic Pesto,

200g pine nuts
200g wild garlic
100g grated Parmesan
200ml extra virgin olive oil
Salt & Pepper for seasoning

  1. Dry roast the nuts until they brown slightly.
  2. Wash the garlic and remove long stems.
  3. Add garlic and nuts in food processor and pulse
  4. Add Parmesan and Olive Oil and pulse until a pesto like consistency, a rough paste.
  5. Season and pulse briefly.
  6. Transfer to a sterilised  jar and cover pesto with a glug of olive oil.
  7. Pop in the fridge and use in an assortment of ways.

 WGPesto

You can mix with pasta or stir a blob in with your vegetables, serve with fish or add to a salad dressing or maybe try out these…

WGrecipe1wgsteak

A Good Weekend?

GoodWeekend

The problems with weekends in our house, is they rarely turn out to be the two days you were expecting. Some sideways force will often come and knock us for six and leave us reeling for the remain hours of our two day break or on the flip side you will batten down the hatches for a whirlwind approaching and it never happens. Either way Sunday evenings Mr H and I  are often in shock over just how well it all went or just how utterly terrible it’s all been.

Stig and I had been planning this weekend for a while, a mummy and son day out. Our favourite place to go together has always been The Manchester Museum, but having been with school just recently we thought we’d be daring, change things and go to The Science and Industry Museum. There would also be a small amount of shopping for boys things and lunch at Wagamama’s. A real treat of a day for both but, unfortunately, we didn’t get to go.

Saturday morning Stig got caught doing something he knows very well he is not allowed to do. Sadly knowing that what he’d done was quite serious, and something he’s been in trouble for before, he decided to weave a web of whoppers to escape any possible trouble and then when this didn’t work he decided to become at first stubborn and rude closely followed by aggressive.

As is often the case, the original action was soon no longer the problem, Stig’s list of misdemeanours was growing, lying, rude language, and then lashing out. As the boy realised the mistakes he was making, his fear unfolded and he saw how much worse he’d made things, self loathing began to sink in and he turned the corner to “I don’t care”.

“I don’t care” is the slippery slope of self esteem sliding from under him and sending him tumbling in to the oblivion of his anger. Frustrated and angry with himself for not getting it right he starts to destroy.

He is removed to his bedroom as his anger starts to grow, physically moved but with plenty of warning and opportunity to take himself, relative containment is what we are after. This is when destruction begins; there is the sound of banging and smashing and I decide to  leave as missiles are launched at me. I take myself out of the situation but keep a close eye on it without making my presence known.

The boy empties the contents of his bedroom onto the landing. All his toys, books, his mattress and his drawer unit, which he has dismantled. Mummy and daddy step around it, stay back and avoid odd things being thrown but we do not restrain, intervene or respond to the abuse that’s being heckled. When he barricades his door with the mattress, I push it down and explain calmly that he must not do this “I need to see you are safe” I say, but I also then walk away. The mattress stays down.

As I pass to check another time he starts to head butt the wall, again I show little interest, listening for signs of real pain but I don’t lift my head, rush to stop or hold him back. It hurts more than he thought and a hole remains in the wall, his face starts to crumble.

Finally there are tears, tears and acquisitions of how we don’t love him and don’t care for him, how he hates us and wishes we were dead. I want to go to him now but he is still throwing things and as he’s hit me with something and launches a chair in my direction I again decide to  keep my distance. Time passes and eventually the cries change, the boy pleads hunger. “I’ve not had breakfast I’m hungry.”

I see this as an opportunity to move on; suggesting he dresses, then he can come and have something to eat. I leave him 10 minutes and return to find him calmer, dressed and waiting.

As we descend the stairs he says “I’m sorry” and I thank him for his apology. As we enter the kitchen he tentatively asks “Can I have a hug?” Of course he can have a hug and a long squeezing embrace is enjoyed.

“I feel much better now, thank you” he says.

I check his head and then we sit, him with a big bowl of cereal me with a mug of tea and we chat. Not about what’s happened, not about where we should be but the little things, the weather, the cats, the view from the window.

Once he’s eaten his breakfast I brace myself slightly and say “right now you need to go and put your bedroom back together” and that’s it, he goes.

One hour later the contents of his bedroom have been returned to their home and a neat pile of rubbish, including ripped up magazines and broken bites of toys is all that’s left on the landing. He smiles and so do I, he’s done well. We hug again.

Manchester is off the cards, some of the day is lost but the boy is shaky, so instead we visit the local shop for provisions and spend the afternoon playing games together. We have a lot of fun; it is warm and meaningful to both of us. There is laughter and giggles as we jostle to win a card game, there is respect and understanding as I teach him how to play Yahtzee and there is joy and delight as I allow him a sip of my diet Coke, a normally forbidden beverage.

So we move forward and on with relative ease and a huge lesson has been learnt, the learning curve  has reached a plateau for once. By removing ourselves from his anger and remaining at arm’s length from it. Ensuring his safety but also ensuring our own inner peace, we have remained strong and calm for him in the aftermath and by doing so we ensured that the road to recovery is quick and the damage is limited.

So as Mr H and I sat last night reflecting on our weekend, we were in agreement that this weekend had actually been a good weekend.

 

The Weekly Adoption Shout Out 17/05/13

That time of the week already – it’s the Weekly Adoption Shout Out!

Last week the theme was ‘the early days’ and we had some great posts on that. We also had lots of posts that weren’t related to the theme – so be sure to stop by here and have a read through them. Make sure you leave a comment and let them know you found them through the Weekly Adoption Shout Out or #WASO.

There is no theme this week, but next week we’ll be inviting you to link-up posts about ‘Treasured Moments’. In the meantime, please link-up any blog posts relating to adoption, whether you are an adoptee, a prospective adoptive parent, an adoptive parent or a professional.
Remember, all posts that are linked should be related to adoption in some way, but you don’t have to be involved in adoption to read the wonderful blogs that link-up – if you know someone who is considering adoption, or want to support a friend who is adopted, or understand more about what other parents go through, then have a read and share this page with your friends.

We try to read and share as many of the posts as we can throughout the week, you can help by sharing your favourites on Twitter , Facebook or your own website or blog. If you want to include a badge on your blog to show your support then here’s the code:



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The Weekly Adoption Shout Out 10/05/13

This week has gone very quickly and here we are again at Friday and it’s The Weekly Adoption Shout Out. Plenty of people joined in again last week and we had some great posts. Remember if you know someone else who blogs about adoption to let them know about #WASO and invite them to join in. It’s good to have new blogs to read as well as all our wonderful regulars.

The theme this week is “Early Days” and we look forward to reading your interpretations of this. It’s interesting the way the themes are often perceived differently by you all, providing lots of diverse reading.  There is no need to write about the theme, it will always be optional, you can link up any posts your written this week.

The link up is on both The Puffin Diaries and The Boys Behaviour but you need only add your post on one of these sites but it will still appear on both.

Please come and visit our Facebook page, where we are sharing your posts and other WASO snippets so please hop over and LIKE us and join in.

It would be great if you could visit some of the other blogs that link up and please let them know who you are, and how you found them, you can even share your favourites on twitter or tweet your own post with the hashtag  #WASO, we will try and share as many as possible too.

Please link up below…

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Daddy’s Garden

 

006Last week I spent a couple of days with my dad, on my own, child and husband free and it was bliss. My dad has recently undergone some surgery so I was keen to visit and ensure he was well. He lives a good four hours from us in a picturesque Hampshire village, which for my visit happened to be bathed in beautiful sunshine.

Once assured he was recovering well I was also keen to see the progress on the house he and his wife are having built. The plot is in the village and they lived in an unattractive 60′s flat roofed house on the site for some years before knocking it down at starting a fresh. What now stands in it’s place and is soon to be completed, is a marvelous modern and inspiring dwelling, I feel very excited for them both to have such an amazing new home which they’ve put so much of themselves into.

The plot had and still has a beautiful well established large garden, which I’m glad to say they are not in any way altering. It was wonderful to potter in the sunshine with my camera and snap away at the shoots and blooms. I can’t wait to return and stay in the new house over the summer, when the garden will still be offering an abundance of gems but for now here’s what I found last week..

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033045051064

I’ve linked this post with How Does Your Garden Grow…..Mammasaurus - How Does Your Garden Grow?

The Reunion

reunion1

The Reunion

Down the platform I saw him there,

His face unsure, a focused stare.

As he walks along in daddy’s step,

Not knowing his own reaction yet.

But then as if it comes to him,

His pace it quickens, his face a grin.

And then he’s running his arms out wide,

No longer able to cover and hide,

The delight in mummy’s return from away,

For him it’s been a long few days.

As they reach and envelope one another,

Mummy’s heart it beats, a flutter.

And did she see across his eyes?

The glint of a tear, happiness inside,

As his arms lock firm and really tight,

There is a squeeze full of his tiny might.

They separate and smile together,

Beaming joy of a love forever.

And as his warm little hand slips into mine,

I pin to my heart this moment in time.

 

I’ve linked up with Prose for thought, click below to find out more..

 

Prose for Thought

My Visit to The Launch of The Care Inquiry

On Tuesday this week I was very privileged to be invited as a guest of TACT to the launch of The Care Inquiry. This inquiry has involved 8 different charities who aim to support children and young people within or from the care system,  Adoption UK, BAAF (British Association for Adoption and Fostering), Family Rights Group, the Fostering Network, Research in Practice, TACT, The Who Cares? Trust, and the Together Trust.

The aim of this inquiry was to look at the way in which children are cared for when they can no longer live with their birth families and to make recommendations as to how the lives of these children can be improved. The reason being that all charities involved are very much aware that whilst a lot of hard work is being done to improve the care these children are provided, evidence would most definitely suggest that the in many areas the best possible provision is not being achieved.

As well as looking at current and relevant reports and documentation surrounding the care of children and young people outside their birth families, The Inquiry spoke widely to those involved within this system. The Care Workers, The Foster Carers, The Kinship Cares, The Adoptive Parents, The Birth Parents and most importantly the young people and children who these people aim to support. The importance of the voice of the young was made clear in a film shown in the opening of the evening where those from the care system spoke of their own experiences and also their desires for how this service could best support them. See for yourself….

We all gathered in a grand, by my standards, room in Deans Yard behind Westminster Abbey all of which I was very much impressed by. There were representatives there from all the charities as well as some of those who had been invited to give evidence during The Care Inquiry. The evening opened with time to meet others gathered and share thoughts and ideas on why we all converged on this spot. I, along with my good friend Amanda Boorman from The Open Nest Charity were introduced to Jim Bond a long time foster carer of teenagers and support worker with adoptive families, he was also one of the speakers that evening.

It was wonderful to converse with people who showed understanding and comprehension to my own experiences and were interested and excited by the work Vicki from The Boys Behaviour and I do on The Weekly Adoption Shout Out. I also thoroughly enjoyed listening to the experiences of others and their opinions on The Care Inquiry and other related topics that were discussed.

From the outset of the introductory speech made by Robert Tapsfield, Chair of the Care Inquiry steering group, to Edward Timpson MP, Parliamentary Under-Secretary of State for Children and Families and then to different representatives of the care system, the message was “communication”.

Communication needs to be improved to create more secure placements of permanency for our vulnerable children. The children need to be listened to; their wishes must be taken into consideration. Ashley Williamson a care leaver spoke of his own experiences of having his concerns for what the future held for him ignored when he moved to foster care at a point when his mum was having some personal difficulties. Instead of explaining to him what was happening he was repeatedly told not to worry and focus on his school work. This was the very last thing he was capable of doing when he was anxiously contemplating where home would be for him in the future.

The report has been titled Making not Breaking – Building Relationships for our most Vulnerable Children, and as each of the speakers took to the stage their individual stories spoke about the important of this. The requirement for all children on the edge of or within the care system to create positive bonds with those supporting them, bonds that are permanent and long standing. Jim Bond spoke of his own experiences of the teenagers he had fostered and how on too many occasions they had to come to terms with a new social workers as the one previous moved on to pastures new. These inconsistencies are damaging to vulnerable young people and any prospects they may have of forming meaningful relationships in the future. Building relationships is considered, in the report to be “the golden thread” and in my limited experience I must agree.

For me the evening was inspiring, I am not a journalistic writer and so to read more of what the report has to say please read here. For me there was a room full of hope on that evening, one where a brighter future can be created for the vulnerable young in our society, for those like my own children and the ones I read about weekly in all the wonderful adoption posts I get to see. But also other children, those that adoption doesn’t suit and isn’t right for, these children also have to the right to good quality permanent homes being available to them. I have written previously about a sibling of my children who I feel more consideration and thought should have been afforded and it was with much optimism I listened to recommendations for the individual child’s requirements to be a priority.

I understand that the words were being spoken on this evening and creating the reality of these words will be a hard and arduous task but with commitment from all those there and supported by the likes of Lisa Nandy, whos passionate speech really convinced me of here concern and dedication to the cause, I believes things can be done. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I felt very privileged to be there and to be amongst such hope for the future. I have, to myself and anyone willing to listen, pledged to do my bit to support the cause as much as I can, so beware you’ve not heard the last of this from me.

The Weekly Adoption Shout Out 3/05/13

The sun is shining here for the Weekly Adoption Shout Out. We had some really varied posts last week on the theme of regression – if you want to have a look, they’re all still listed here.

As most of you now know, we suggest an optional theme every other week. This week we’re theme free, so please link up any blog post related to adoption whether you’re a prospective adopter, adoption organisation, adoptee, adoptive parent or someone else!

For those of you who like a bit of warning, next week’s optional theme is ‘the early days’. We try to offer a theme that can be interpreted in many ways so you could think about the early days of placement, the start of the approval process, the start of reunion, or even your earliest thoughts about becoming an adoptive parent. Or something completely different if you like!

Don’t forget to check out our Facebook page for links to interesting posts, news and say hi whilst you’re there.

As both The Puffin Diaries and The Boy’s Behaviour are hosting, this linky will appear in both places but you only need to add it once below.

The Weekly Adoption Shout Out or #WASO is becoming a really great supportive community, it helps that many of you visit the other blogs that take part – please keep it up.
And if you find a post you really like, why not share it on twitter, or tweet your own post with the hashtag #WASO.

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Unkempt

unkempt

I wrote this poem recently as I struggled with my depression again. It really has not let up in the last few months and some days it has been easier than others to just get on with things. Eventually things begin to slide and lack of concern for my own appearance also paves the way for less thought towards the dreaded school uniform. Finding the energy or inclination to worry about clean sweatshirts becomes so difficult and when that starts to slide I know I’m nearing the rocky bottom. Anyway it’s happened now and hopefully I will be on the way up again soon, but whilst there don’t I just love to write a little bit of dark miserable poetry……

Unkempt

Mummy’s depression often shows,

In the way in which you wear your clothes.

The odd socks for school for which she shows no concern,

The sweatshirt with food on, worn three days in turn,

Your unkempt appearance reveals the truth that inside,

Mummy rots deeply, black to the belly, and trying to hide,

All secrets of hatred, anger and more,

Irritable, loathing, and thoughts of escape at her door,

Your hair unbrushed for a week it seems,

Means nothing today, “can’t be bothered” it screams.

She thinks nothing of sending you off to class

Resembling the unthought-of children of your past,

Guilt laces every aspect of life,

Wanting better for you, to be a better wife.

As she struggles to do the things people see,

She also ensures that you still believe,

“Mummy loves you with all her heart”

“Today she’s just finding things very hard”

And today she hopes that things will change

Maybe there will be blue skies and a loving exchange,

That will bring a smile, will spark the return,

To a mummy with clean hair and more appearance concerns.

 

I’ve linked my poem to Prose for thought…..Click below to find out more.

Prose for Thought