Memory Box 17/6/13

 

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Both my boys have always struggled with their handwriting and in turn they lack confidence in colouring and drawing as well. Both have come on leaps and bounds in the last year, good teachers have really helped,  and after I bought them both some new colouring pencils and a little sketch book each at Easter, they have taken to creating art work more readily. Tink now enjoys drawing but has still been a little reluctant to colour. For him if it can’t be perfect then he’s failed at it.

So it was with some surprise to me that he eagerly entered a colouring in competition last week, held by a local gift shop that he very much likes. Spurred on by the possible £10 voucher to spend in said shop he sat down for almost two hours and coloured a very detailed picture of superman, as you can see above. He did a great job, and was very pleased with his own efforts as was I. We’ve handed it in and it was placed in the shop window with other entries. I know he’s keen to have that voucher but to me he’s a winner already, we’ll just have to wait and see..

This post is linked to Memory Box a brand new adoption link up on The Adoption Social

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Baby Boom

 

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I nuzzled my nose into the baby’s head, inhaled the sweet soft scent of his temple as my lips caressed his cheek. With a gentle sway and a soft “ssshhh, ssshhh, ssshhh” his crying ceased and he flopped his head against my shoulder.  I don’t usually run to lift the crying baby; I don’t normally run in their direction even if they are not crying. I’ve always convinced myself I’m not a baby person and isn’t it just as well I couldn’t have one because I probably would have been rubbish with it. Unfortunately I’m living through another baby boom, ok not a boom; we have a 7 month old within close family and another on its way. Family gatherings will soon be baby central again and as was the case this weekend, what do you do when no one else runs to calm the crying baby? Yes I have to go.

I was relieved and pleased that I managed to sooth him as I’m always slightly worried that the baby senses my fear. The fear that reveals my lack of knowledge and experience with one so young, or the worry that they may come knocking at my closed and locked door of motherly desire. I got away with it this time…or did I? In those fleeting moments, as a couple of minutes passed, me cradling him, him gurgling contentedly and me lost in his presence, he managed to prise open that closed and locked door and seep into my heart. There he is now; haunting my thoughts on a daily bases “a baby how nice to have a baby, your own baby”.

It’s not really happened before, I’ve not allowed it. There was one occasion when a television story line got the better of me, can’t remember what but it had me sobbing uncontrollably for my loss. That’s a few years ago now and I’m careful, I don’t watch “One born every Minute” or anything like that. I can manage Call the Midwife but that doesn’t seem of our world.

So why now? Well in the early years of having my boys I was hopeful, full of wonder for the small beings that were now mine. Babies shmabies, nothing would really have distracted me from my young little family. Yes they were hard work but they were adorable and with their diminutive size they were containable even in their darkest moments. In passing recent years we haven’t had many babies in our lives. Now they are here again and all the wonder has been crushed and squeezed out of me and the horror of times still to come are very real and tangible. As my boys have grown in size, my hope has demised, the reality of difficult times now and to come are very much here.

Please don’t get me wrong things are never all bad and I love my boys with all my heart but as I clung to that new born that people run to calm when he cries, my thought were wondering.  The new born that has a mum a dad, grandparents, aunts and uncles who all really care, I did think “What if..” “What if I’d had a baby that had been all mine, who was loved from the moment they came to this world.” “What would my life be now?”

But this sorrow is not just for me it’s for my boys too, What if they had been born into a family like this one; the one where everyone cares “what if” is for them too. Tink coos delightedly at the baby boy, his nephew, he is thrilled with him, feeds him, talks to him and tickles him under his chin. Watching them together this last weekend I couldn’t help speculate that no one would have been tickling Tink under the chin and cooing delightedly for him at 7 months old. I often find myself identifying things that my children have missed out on when I see a loving parent and baby together. I don’t tend to loiter with these thought it’s more a fact than a full on distraction. I’m sure the irony is lost on Tink, and I’m glad, for now the boys don’t see what they missed but for me it is a constant reminder.

So I’ve been a little in mourning these past days, it seems odd so many years on, but my slight sadness is persisting around the losses we have all suffered. Not to the point of tears and head under the duvet but more a poignant point in time, as our extended family grows and changes I need to be prepared. I need to think this through, come to terms that may not have previously been reached and allow myself to feel what I need to feel.

I shared a few of my thoughts with my brother-in-law at the family gathering this last weekend; I revealed to him my greatest sadness at not having our own children. I would love to have known what our child would have looked like, a combination of my husband and I. My lovely brother-in-law paused thoughtfully at my revelation and then said “that’s not a problem there’s an App that can do that”.  Don’t worry it was a joke and we both laughed, a lot.

The Adoption Social – Press Release

The Adoption Social is nearly here…

 On 14th June www.theadoptionsocial.com will launch. This exciting new blog will encourage and support those involved in adoption, with an emphasis on the use of social media to find others in similar situations.

The Adoption Social has been developed by two adoptive parent bloggers who met via their blogs and Twitter, and developed a supportive friendship. Sarah from The Puffin Diaries and Vicki from The Boy’s Behaviour had both been using various social media and found not only each other but a small, yet rapidly growing community of other adoptive parents, and this has developed to include adoptees, adoption organisations, professionals and prospective adoptive parents.

Having already developed the successful blog link-up* ‘The Weekly Adoption Shout Out’ (or #WASO as it’s known on Twitter), Vicki and Sarah recognised just how important social media such as blogs, Facebook, Twitter, online forums and message boards can be, especially when your family circumstances can make you feel isolated, or the difference in your family set-up can be a barrier to finding people to confide in.

With the world wide web being international and round the clock, there is always someone ‘there’ whether that’s on Twitter or an online forum, and when times are tough sometimes just knowing there are others out there is enough. Not only that, these platforms provide a space for ranting, sharing, asking for advice, nodding in agreement, learning, educating and just feeling a little less alone.

 The Adoption Social will bring together information about these platforms, encourage the use of them, and will gather people from different areas into one space. As well as becoming the home for the already successful ‘The Weekly Adoption Shout Out’, The Adoption Social will feature:

Memory Box – Each Monday, bloggers are invited to share and celebrate great moments by adding their blogs to this week-long linky. This could be good parenting achievements, fab things your children do, good memories and could be text, poetry or photos.

Blogless Blogging – This section provides a space for anonymous posts from bloggers who don’t feel able to post on their own sites, one-off guest posts or those wishing to try their hand at blogging. Just send us an email with the text you want to share.

Me & My Blog/My Twitter Life – Regular posts from others already using social media; sharing tips, advice and experience.

Adoption Social Connections – Weekly posts on how to get started on Twitter, blogging, setting up a Facebook page, even using Instagram.

A Problem Shared – A spot where people can put forward a particular problem or issue, and others can comment or share experiences and advice.

In time the site will also launch twitter parties, include reviews of books, programmes and films, and hold a diary of events that might be of interest.

 The Adoption Social will be as supportive as it’s users, and so we welcome anyone involved in adoption to submit posts for the above sections. As The Weekly Adoption Shout Out and Memory Box are linkys, all you have to do is write on your own blog and link up on The Adoption Social. For all other sections, we invite you to send us your text (preferably with an image) and we’ll add your post to the site.

Vicki, who writes The Boy’s Behaviour and is co-founder of The Adoption Social says “As an adoptive parent myself, I’ve found blogging has helped me find others in the same position as our family. There have been times when we’ve had to pretty much lock down and work on healing and repairing our family, but that’s isolating, and so Twitter and Blogging have been my lifelines to the outside world. We’re not experts, but we know what’s helped us. ”

“For me The Adoption Social is about providing support for those living within adoption, through creating social media connections. I’ve found that support myself and I want to share it with others who maybe feel sometimes that they are very much alone. We aim to reach out to these people and by sharing experiences and understanding we hope to create a social media community that can truly help.“ Added Sarah, from The Puffin Diaries, the other founder of The Adoption Social.

Support for the new initiative, particularly by some local authorities, has been overwhelming, and it is hoped that other local authorities, voluntary agencies, adoption charities and support organisations will continue to disseminate information through their networks.

If you require any further information or if you’re interested in contributing to The Adoption Social, then please contact Vicki and Sarah at theadoptionsocial@gmail.com or via www.facebook.com/theadoptionsocial. You can message us on Twitter too @AdoptionSocial.

*link-up/linky

A list of blogs, usually on a theme of some sort (in this case adoption), all gathered in one place. Bloggers add their own blog addresses to the link-up, and are usually expected to visit some of the other blogs on the list and comment if appropriate.

Memory Box 10/06/13

050 So whilst out and about with my mum on Friday my phone gave that familiar beep indicating a text had arrived. I fumbled in my bag and withdrew my phone, it was school, I get a lot of texts from school. Don’t forget today is this or your son is bringing home a letter about this, all very useful as my boys tell me nothing and bring me very little, but not that interesting to receive.

So I glanced at the message which read ” Stig is going to the High School today for a Gifted & Talented event. We will be back in school for lunch”

I shared the text with my mum and joked that it almost made it sound like Stig was the Gifted and Talented one, but imaged instead that the children were all going to witness some older Gifted children showing off their Talents.

Fast forward after school and Stig comes bursting through the front door with a sample bottle full of purple liquid.

“Look what I did at the High School today” he beams.

So it transpires that he was chosen as one of only ten children in his school (400 pupils strong) considered gifted and talented in science, to go and do experiments in the labs at the High School. Well I could not be prouder and I’ll be keeping my doubting thoughts to myself because he is full of pride for himself too, as he should be. Oh and the sample of purple liquid; extracted red cabbage juice of course.

This post is an example of the type of posts that can be linked up with MEMORY BOX, a new Adoption link up on The Adoption Social Starting next Monday 17th June, aiming to celebrate all the best bits in our lives.

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