Down Day

downdayWe’re having a down day, a day at home for Tink. No tuting at the back please about  me sat behind my laptop when I’m supposed to be with my son, I’m allowed to write this short post because after watching Frozen together under a duvet on  the sofa, my son is now getting over excited about buying a portal box on Club Penguin. Bit of screen time together, we are sat side by side as I tap and I’m also getting a running commentary on everything he’s doing.

Tink, has on the whole, been doing much better in school. He’s being supported on a one to one base by a lovely lady who seems to value his emotional well being as the most important part of his school day and is also not fazed by the rude tone and words he sometimes uses. Due to this he has been achieving more work and doing well most days.

This week however it has not been the case, Monday was a downward spiral from the off, something, who knows what, triggered a catalogue of non conforming, rudeness and lashing out. For the first time school decided that a severe consequence was needed and an internal exclusion (day in isolation within school) was dealt for the following day. It’s hard to explain how you can see their perspective but, the truth is the boy is hurting, hating and punishing himself enough without having a full day reminder.

Getting him into school the next day was not easy and as I left him in reception with the Head and his TA my heart was as heavy as lead. His arms folded solid around him, building the wall of protection and his eyes glistened with held in tears, as he peaked at me from behind his fringe.

“I’m not doing it” he repeated.  “I’m just NOT”.

To all others in that room I’m sure they saw defiance, me, I could feel my heart breaking as the fragility and vulnerability of my little boy stared me square in the eye.

I left sobbing and a familiar feeling swam over me. I again felt like the only one in his corner. My complex little boy who everyone else doesn’t quite get.

He did well that day and through the caring support oh his TA, he managed it. He was exhausted though, for the first time in a while he was asleep shortly after eight having not quite made it beneath his duvet. I tucked him in later, kissed him and whispered my nightly sweet nothings into his ear.

“Mummy loves you and thinks you are very special”

The next morning he stopped at the gate.

“I’m not going in”

I could see in that moment all the trust earned draining away, school was no longer considered a safe place, again. Back to square one.

Twenty minutes later myself and his TA were in the same spot trying every known trick in the book to cajole, entice, bribe, encourage, strike some kind of, any kind of deal that would get him through the door.

We managed it but another twenty minutes later I left school again in tears, with the sound of his little voice behind me screaming “let me out” as he kicked at the door.

I tweeted for support and got lots, thank you, and even had a kind phone call from a close twitter friend. She too has had school problems (haven’t we all) and she helped very much to reassure me and support me.

I could see now what was needed and I would be telling, ok asking but being quite firm in what I wanted. A down day for my son. A day that says “I hear you”. “ I get it”

So here we are tapping away together, he’s now stuffing Tomato ketchup flavoured crisps into his mouth and making his Puffle do tricks. I’m happy.

I’m reminded constantly at the moment of my boy by a song that’s on the radio a lot. I love it and will dance around the kitchen excitedly to it. But the words hit home for me,
they say it all, especially the line,

“And when you feel like nobody’s on your side
Please believe I’m never too far”
Here it is…..

Big Thank to Britmums

BritmumsliveI just wanted to say a massive thank you to Britmums for the amazing couple of days I had at Britmums Live. It was a truly, all round, wonderful experience this year, I thoroughly enjoyed it. There were so many great parts but I’ve tried to identify those that I really appreciated the most.

Thank you for giving me the opportunity to meet up with other bloggers , people that normally I connect with through a screen, it really was so wonderful to see these people in the flesh.

Thank you for giving me the opportunity to spend two days with my blogging and adoption BFF @boysbehaviour. We did lots of planning and networking on behalf of The Adoption Social and it was great to be enthused together. Also those real life hugs are the best.

Thank you for creating a space for me to connect with new people and forge new friendships. I particularly loved meeting Earthmother who patiently listened as I talked too much about being an adoptive parent (might have had a couple of reds by this point). Then there was the lovely Caroline Fosbury who’s warmth captivated me and I felt compelled to hug her even though we’d just met. Sorry Caroline if that was a little awkward and good luck with your LIVE LAUGH LOVE FOR ELLA Campaign, if I can help please shout.

Thank you for providing the opportunity to meet a truly remarkable woman Camilla Batmanghelidjh from Kids Company. The fact that I got to speak to her and she gave me a hug completely overwhelmed me. Look out for lots of stuff to do with here amazing Kids Company Charity coming from here and The Adoption Social soon.

Thank you for creating a space for me to learn, learn and learn more about the remarkable world of blogging and social media. I particularly liked the sessions from Captured by Lucy on blog design and the Instagram session with Marte Marie Forsberg was so inspirational.  I felt like a massive sponge soaking it all in and I now feel fit to burst with motivation.

Thank you for inviting the marvelous and funny Katie Hill to host the awards ceremony, which even though we didn’t win was a fun and emotional event.

On that note I’d best thank you also for all the free wine I drank, great sponsors Lindeman’s and Laithwaite’s , you did us proud there.

Oh and finally thanks for the tiara my oldest son looks very fetching in it.

I’m sure there is plenty more but I’ve got so many things I want to blog, Instagram, pin, Facebook and create so that’s your lot.

Star Performance

star performanceSo I’ve not been over here in Puffin land for a while, if you’ve missed me I’m sorry. There is always the small matter of The Adoption Social (BiB2014 Finalist I’ll have you know) which keeps me very busy, as do my family and of course my fight against the evil war lord, depression. Briefly, on this subject, I feel great; I’ve been feeling, on the most, so much better than I have in a long time. I won’t say too much, because I will spoil a future blog post, but things for me are on the up and up.

The other thing that I have been very preoccupied with, in a nice way, a happy distraction you might call it, is producing a youth play. This is my second year producing a play with the young members (high school age) of our local amateur dramatics group and it is an enormous amount of fun. Lots of hard work but, enormous fun.

This year we did a who dunit murder, mystery with plenty of suspense, drama and some dodgy deaths. The kids were amazing and although they gave me huge heart palpitations about learning their lines, the prompt did a lot of talking in our final rehearsals; they were all stars to me.

Now I’m feeling a little low at the thought of not seeing them all again soon……..Onwards and upwards.

This is a happy post; it’s a #memorybox post and here is the reason why.

Unfortunately a member of the cast dropped out five days before our first performance. He had a small part with not many lines but all the same it was a little bit of a worry as to how we were going to solve the one man down issue. I hatched a plan in my head, tried very hard to think it through before I spoke it out loud, not always my strongest quality. The excitement of the idea bubbled inside of me and so I just went ahead and asked,

“Stig do you think you could do this part for me?”

At first the eyes said confused, unsure, a little bewildered, so I explained fully what I meant. The eyes soon smiled and danced with delight at the opportunity he was being given. He immediately took the script and went off to learn his lines.

He came to one full rehearsal, struggled a little and became a bit concerned. He wobbled a bit over those five days but he learnt his lines and stayed committed.

So Friday night arrives and the lights go down and then up again. The very first character to appear in the play is Stig. Deep breath and away he goes, loud clear and word perfect. I was so proud.

He managed two performances brilliantly, you could see his confidence grow and transform his frail stature into that of a mighty giant. I was so glad he had this opportunity to shine with all the other cast members, I know it’s done him no end of good and my admiration for his tenacity and incredible ability to constantly overcome things and grow makes my heart burst with pride.

Well done my wonderful Stig. x