We’re having a down day, a day at home for Tink. No tuting at the back please about me sat behind my laptop when I’m supposed to be with my son, I’m allowed to write this short post because after watching Frozen together under a duvet on the sofa, my son is now getting over excited about buying a portal box on Club Penguin. Bit of screen time together, we are sat side by side as I tap and I’m also getting a running commentary on everything he’s doing.
Tink, has on the whole, been doing much better in school. He’s being supported on a one to one base by a lovely lady who seems to value his emotional well being as the most important part of his school day and is also not fazed by the rude tone and words he sometimes uses. Due to this he has been achieving more work and doing well most days.
This week however it has not been the case, Monday was a downward spiral from the off, something, who knows what, triggered a catalogue of non conforming, rudeness and lashing out. For the first time school decided that a severe consequence was needed and an internal exclusion (day in isolation within school) was dealt for the following day. It’s hard to explain how you can see their perspective but, the truth is the boy is hurting, hating and punishing himself enough without having a full day reminder.
Getting him into school the next day was not easy and as I left him in reception with the Head and his TA my heart was as heavy as lead. His arms folded solid around him, building the wall of protection and his eyes glistened with held in tears, as he peaked at me from behind his fringe.
“I’m not doing it” he repeated. “I’m just NOT”.
To all others in that room I’m sure they saw defiance, me, I could feel my heart breaking as the fragility and vulnerability of my little boy stared me square in the eye.
I left sobbing and a familiar feeling swam over me. I again felt like the only one in his corner. My complex little boy who everyone else doesn’t quite get.
He did well that day and through the caring support oh his TA, he managed it. He was exhausted though, for the first time in a while he was asleep shortly after eight having not quite made it beneath his duvet. I tucked him in later, kissed him and whispered my nightly sweet nothings into his ear.
“Mummy loves you and thinks you are very special”
The next morning he stopped at the gate.
“I’m not going in”
I could see in that moment all the trust earned draining away, school was no longer considered a safe place, again. Back to square one.
Twenty minutes later myself and his TA were in the same spot trying every known trick in the book to cajole, entice, bribe, encourage, strike some kind of, any kind of deal that would get him through the door.
We managed it but another twenty minutes later I left school again in tears, with the sound of his little voice behind me screaming “let me out” as he kicked at the door.
I tweeted for support and got lots, thank you, and even had a kind phone call from a close twitter friend. She too has had school problems (haven’t we all) and she helped very much to reassure me and support me.
I could see now what was needed and I would be telling, ok asking but being quite firm in what I wanted. A down day for my son. A day that says “I hear you”. “ I get it”
So here we are tapping away together, he’s now stuffing Tomato ketchup flavoured crisps into his mouth and making his Puffle do tricks. I’m happy.
I’m reminded constantly at the moment of my boy by a song that’s on the radio a lot. I love it and will dance around the kitchen excitedly to it. But the words hit home for me,
they say it all, especially the line,
“And when you feel like nobody’s on your side
Please believe I’m never too far”
Here it is…..